How to Throw Your Own Goblin Masquerade

TOMORROW IS MY DESDEMONA AND THE DEEP BOOK BIRTHDAY!

YAY!!!

To celebrate this FRABJOUS and FANCY-PRANCIEST of OCCASIONS, we are throwing two, count them TWO, BOOK LAUNCH PARTIES!

AKA GOBLIN MASQUERADES!

The first shall be on this coming Saturday July 27th in Westerly, Rhode Island at The Savoy Bookshop and Cafe.

And then the second on Tuesday August 6th in Astoria, New York at Astoria Bookshop.

I want you to join us.

Stay with me now. I know, I know, you live in places like Virginia and Melbourne and Montreal and Northern California and Manila, and you’re all like:

“So, if you want us to come to your Goblin Masquerade so badly, Cooney, why haven’t you invented a teleporter yet?”

And all I have to say to that is that my spellcheck doesn’t even recognize ‘teleporter’ as a real word, though it’s oddly all right with ‘teleport’ for some reason.

BUT! I have been thinking of a SOLUTION!

And what I want to do is offer you, on a virtual platter (like the fruit of the Ympsie tree, like hangman’s dew in a diamond hip-flask, like a basket of darkest dwayberries on a bed of blue grave moss) is this:

A Do It Yourself 10-Stepper For Throwing

YOUR OWN!
AT HOME!
DESDEMONA AND THE DEEP!
LAUNCH PARTY AND MASQUERADE!*

*patent pending

GOBLIN MASQUERADE IN 10 EASY STEPS

1. Gather a few friends to Ye Olde Stately Manor/apartment/back porch.

ALTERNATELY: just light a candle and boogie down with your shadow!

2. Encourage your fabooshiest self, friends, and/or shadow to WEAR COSTUMES!

Masks! Face paint! Extra ears! Tails! Horns! Wings! Feathers! Scales! (Faux) Fur! CHITON!

Anything that says “Goblin” or “Erl-King/Queen” or “Elfkin” or “Faerie” or “Gentry” or “Seelie/Unseelie,” or heck, even “Demonspawn.”

(There are three worlds to choose from in Desdemona’s particular mythos, and seven hells beneath ’em! ALL FILLED WITH FASHIONS BEST LEFT TO YOUR IMAGINATION!)

3. Have a dedicated Selfie Backdrop (like a really big blue sheet!) (or maybe a lilac bush with the skeletal remnants of springtime blossoms) for displaying your terrifically attired person and all your friends to full advantage!

Ahem. If you wanna, you can hitch to the Desdewagon online and join the virtual masquerade with HASHTAGS! On Twitter! Insta! Facebook! Anywhere you choose!

#DesdemonaAndTheDeep #DesdemonaGoblinMasquerade #TorNovellaDesdemonaLaunch #CleverHashtagOfChoice

4. Have a copy–or MANY copies, HUNDREDS of copies!!!–of the book Desdemona and the Deep–which naturally you have pre-ordered, and which you may even have already read by Saturday July 27th or Tuesday August 6th–available and on hand for SPONTANEOUS READINGS!

Read to yourselves! Read to each other! Act it out! Adapt it into a musical concept album and perform it ALL NIGHT LONG!

(Sing “Desdemona Tattercoats” to the tune of “Alexander Hamilton!” I DARE YA!)

5. Have a playlist full of goblin songs to enjoy while you’re not taking selfies and reading uncanny literature of the “rococo romp” variety.

OH, LIKE THIS SIX AND A HALF HOUR PLAYLIST RIGHT HERE, YOU MEAN? WHY YES! I DO MEAN THAT!

I, and a whole HORDE of clever cronies on the Facebooks and Twitters have compiled it for you! Of course you can add your own! It’s COLLABORATIVE!

Might I recommend putting it on “shuffle” since we’re rather fond of the song “Tam Lin” in all its versions?

6. Provide SNACKS FROM THE UNDERGROUND! Or maybe tell people to POTLUCK THEIR OWN GOBLIN FAVORITES.

(Now, I don’t exactly know what I meant by typing that. Maybe Google will have ideas. Oh, wait! It did.)

So, there’s this “Goblin Grins and Monster Mouths” thing from Snixy Kitchen. And this Goblin Bites recipe from Taste of Home. And “Goblin Gorp” whatever that is from Genius Kitchen. And here’s a bunch of spooky snacks from the Los Angeles Times (I know, I know “Halloween” doesn’t really belong in a secondary world fantasy setting, but come on, it’s close enough for SpecFic party food, right?).

Oh, and here are some fruit options, but you know what the poet Christina Rossetti would say about eating goblin fruit . . .

7. If you don’t like any of the snacks provided, eat a pixie.

What? It’s what goblins DO. At least, some goblins do. In Desdemona’s world. One of her worlds. Sometimes.

8. Make an infernal bargain with the Goblin King. Go on. Barter for your heart’s desire. That’s what you’re really here for, right? Set the stakes high. As high as you like. Give yourself a deadline. Say, midnight. Feel your skull turn into an hourglass the minute the transaction is accepted. Feel the sand drip into your mouth. Time’s a-wastin’. You can taste it. Go now. Go on a quest. Let it inform you. Let it transform you. Be sure to succeed, for if you fail, a pack of hobgoblin hounds will tear you into thirty six separate dinners and devour you. It’s the least they can do.

9. Now, swap masks and take more selfies! Congratulations! NEW MASK = NEW GOBLIN FORM!

When Desdemona Mannering becomes a “Tattercoats” goblin (a species of the Nine-Tails genus, from the Thousandfurs family) after her journey through the Mirradarra Doorway, she changes utterly from the human she had been. What kind of goblin would you be?

What are your powers? How many pairs of horns can one person wear at the same time anyway??? What is that strange language coming out of your mouth? Why are all the moths and fireflies swarming up to form a mantle over your shoulders? And why are you suddenly wearing a crown of green flame?

10. If the night is still young, go out for tacos. In costume. Why not? The world could use a little more glittery weird. And definitely more of you and your friends merry-making for the love of life, literature, and goblin tacos. There’s always room for goblin tacos.